Books I’d Use As Weapons // aka books i’d throw at jesper if i was david

Yep, I’ve watched Shadow & Bone too many times now. This post confirms it.

I’m sitting in a cozy carriage, peacefully reading a book, when the carriage door is thrown open and before me stand three crooks. They look dangerous, and the one in the front is smirking at me (the audacity?!). So, like the bookworm extraordinaire I am, what do I do? Throw a book at his smug face! BAM! But since I do not own a copy of Shadow & Bone in Ravkan (though I’d very much like to… are you listening Universe?), which books would I throw instead? Obviously I’ll have to choose something that’ll cause significant physical/emotional damage. Let’s see some potential books that fulfill this purpose!

(if you have absolutely no idea what i’m talking about, i recommend you watch this little 3 second snippet from the S & B show https://youtu.be/cs7M3VXokhQ?t=216. basically jesper throws open the door of a carriage david is sitting in, and a startled david throws a book at his face. the rest of the scene consists of Kaz bonking David on the head with his cane and knocking him out as he gets down from the carriage)

We Are Not Free

Okay, so even if jesper isn’t intimidated by the number of POVs in this book (14!) this is one’s going to cause some serious emotional wreckage. Anyone would bawl reading this heart-wrenching historical fiction set during WWII. Amidst all those tears, Kaz probably wouldn’t even manage to bonk me on the head (but then again, he’s Kaz, so you never know).

Aurora Burning

Oh. My. God. Who wouldn’t die after seeing that GORGEOUS cover?? Not that I want to kill anyone, so maybe I’ll set it to stun. (dial down the charm a little bit, would you Kal?) And I know Jesper will fall for him immediately.
And not to mention, I have a hardcover copy of this book, and that, combined with the weight of all those pages, is definitely capable of causing some physical damage too.

The Book Thief

Well, The Book Thief is a chonk of a book after all – it has over 600 pages. Sure to do some damage to that pretty face. (I’d watch the nose if I were you)

Yep, that’s it, no other reason. (can you tell i’m running out of books now?)

The House In The Cerulean Sea

This book is just so innocent, so heartwarming, I’m sure any criminal would have a change of heart on reading this. Perhaps Kaz’s crew would give up their huge prize and just let me sit in the carriage peacefully? Now that I come to think of it, that’s not likely. But I can hope right?

So yeah, I think we’re done here. I hope you lost a few brain cells while reading this. (if yes, you can join me in crazy land.)

Which book would you throw at Jesper if you were David? (and um… exactly how much of this post actually made sense?) Let me know in the comments!