Yes I’ve been watching Ocean’s Eleven, why do you ask?
It is no great secret that me likes heists. A little bit. Yes I have been obsessed with six of crows (the ultimate heist book) since forever and yes I am currently binge watching classic heist movies (Ocean’s Eleven was first of course) but doesn’t mean I’m totally and utterly in love with anything that has a heist plot, right? right??
Now, this post as a whole might be a bit misleading about my persona. See I’m usually a good law abiding citizen. I never ever break any rules. (well there was that one episode in school when I sneaked off to play basketball on the court with my friend when I was supposed to be in class studying a subject I hated and on the court we pretended we belong to the other class which actually had sports then… but there’s no way you know this, is there?). But heists? They’re sort of my guilty pleasure. I don’t know, there’s something about a bunch of gangsters pulling off an epic heist right under the nose of the target that just gets me in the feels. Money is a motivation of course, but I especially love it when the real motive is some good old ~revenge~.
The latest development in this love for heists I might have gone from watching and reading heist stories to planning my own. And what does every heist need? A crew! (wow. smooth transition.) So welcome, wannabe thieves and notorious lords of the criminal underworld, to my wonderful crew comprised entirely of fictional characters!
For obvious reasons Kaz Brekker from Six of Crows comes to mind. The man is a literal genius, I swear his braincells were manufactured differently from the rest of us. He always has a backup plan of a backup plan, will probably scheme his way out of hell and he’s never in the dark about anything. (even if he is actually surprised by something, he will convince you he already knew about it)
Heists don’t come for free right? A lot of money is needed, and hence we require someone rich to cover our huge expenses. Avery Grambs from The Inheritance Games literally went from a nobody to a billionaire overnight, I’m sure she’ll see no reason not to sponsor our cause. Is there a thing like a luxury heist? Because if there is, with Avery backing us up, that is what we are going to do.
Tamar and Tolya, the bodyguard twins from the King of Scars duology would be my first pick whenever there are punches to be thrown and people to be quietened. And for good reason, because they are positively deadly (and yet that doesn’t stop me from swooning over them, just saying) AND TOLYA FREAKING LOVES POETRY. Okay yeah that doesn’t make sense in this context.
Alisa Montagov from These Violent Delights specialises in squeezing into impossible spaces and spying on people so she’d be ideal for gathering information about the target and spying on the organization ahead of the heist. Her talents were criminally underused in the duology though… and did I mention she’s 12?
We need someone to distract the guards/the target while the others tiptoe behind his back and I know just the person for the job. Kavi Thakrar from Not My Problem will efficiently rattle off an entire 3-minute monologue in a single breath and the target will be busy recovering for two minutes after that so that’s 5 minutes of safety guaranteed.
Soo I’m sorta cheating with this one because I couldn’t think of a character who’s specialised in opening vaults and cracking safes. I’ll go with Tamsin from A Sweet & Bitter Magic since she’s a witch she can hopefully make up a spell to burn a hole right through any safe, right?
The Gadget Guy
Dex Dizznee from the Keeper Of Lost Cities series because the guy’s a literal Technopath, which means he has a way with anything that starts with m and ends with e and has tiny gears and possibly motors (yep, a machine!). He will also be our hacker (i believe he already has some experience in that field eh?😏) and the one who sits in a hotel room shouting instructions in the earpieces while the heist is going on.
The Getaway Driver
This one’s based on pure imagination because she never actually drives in the book as far as I remember, but I’m sure if you hand Millie Price from When You Get The Chance car keys, it’s going to result in pure and speedy chaos (tighten your seatbelts because we’re in for a ride!) and that’s the best kind of getaway there is, am i right?
That’s the end of this list folks! I think we’ve covered most archetypes so we’re doing pretty good here. And to those who are in the process of putting on their scandalized and appalled faces after this whole episode of mingling with criminals, what can I say? Books can be a bad influence *shrug*.
Which characters would you take along for a heist? Do you think the ones I mentioned fit the archetypes? What are your favourite heist books and movies? Let me know in the comments!!