Books I’d Use As Weapons // aka books i’d throw at jesper if i was david

Yep, I’ve watched Shadow & Bone too many times now. This post confirms it.

I’m sitting in a cozy carriage, peacefully reading a book, when the carriage door is thrown open and before me stand three crooks. They look dangerous, and the one in the front is smirking at me (the audacity?!). So, like the bookworm extraordinaire I am, what do I do? Throw a book at his smug face! BAM! But since I do not own a copy of Shadow & Bone in Ravkan (though I’d very much like to… are you listening Universe?), which books would I throw instead? Obviously I’ll have to choose something that’ll cause significant physical/emotional damage. Let’s see some potential books that fulfill this purpose!

(if you have absolutely no idea what i’m talking about, i recommend you watch this little 3 second snippet from the S & B show https://youtu.be/cs7M3VXokhQ?t=216. basically jesper throws open the door of a carriage david is sitting in, and a startled david throws a book at his face. the rest of the scene consists of Kaz bonking David on the head with his cane and knocking him out as he gets down from the carriage)

We Are Not Free

Okay, so even if jesper isn’t intimidated by the number of POVs in this book (14!) this is one’s going to cause some serious emotional wreckage. Anyone would bawl reading this heart-wrenching historical fiction set during WWII. Amidst all those tears, Kaz probably wouldn’t even manage to bonk me on the head (but then again, he’s Kaz, so you never know).

Aurora Burning

Oh. My. God. Who wouldn’t die after seeing that GORGEOUS cover?? Not that I want to kill anyone, so maybe I’ll set it to stun. (dial down the charm a little bit, would you Kal?) And I know Jesper will fall for him immediately.
And not to mention, I have a hardcover copy of this book, and that, combined with the weight of all those pages, is definitely capable of causing some physical damage too.

The Book Thief
The Book Thief

Well, The Book Thief is a chonk of a book after all – it has over 600 pages. Sure to do some damage to that pretty face. (I’d watch the nose if I were you)

Yep, that’s it, no other reason. (can you tell i’m running out of books now?)

The House In The Cerulean Sea

This book is just so innocent, so heartwarming, I’m sure any criminal would have a change of heart on reading this. Perhaps Kaz’s crew would give up their huge prize and just let me sit in the carriage peacefully? Now that I come to think of it, that’s not likely. But I can hope right?

So yeah, I think we’re done here. I hope you lost a few brain cells while reading this. (if yes, you can join me in crazy land.)

Which book would you throw at Jesper if you were David? (and um… exactly how much of this post actually made sense?) Let me know in the comments!

Six Of Crows Quotes As Real Life Moments!

You know a book was truly unforgettable when it persists in Rachel’s memory (who doesn’t remember what she ate this morning) after nearly 4 months of her having read it. The constant reading of memes and quotes and the S&B show were quite helpful too. Therefore I present to you SoC nostalgia because I am evil that way quotes from Six Of Crows and Crooked Kingdom as moments in my life!

“Fear is a phoenix. You can watch it burn a thousand times and still it will return.”

I have probably given about a million speeches in front of small, medium, large, huge, and extremely huge (ugh why do I sound like I am naming dress sizes) audiences but my knees still shake and there is always a slight quiver in my voice when I start speaking on any kind of raised platform with hundreds of people staring at me. Stage fright on an epic level, right? And then after the speech, every single time, I get that smug feeling which says that this will be the last time said phoenix attacks me. And every single time, that feeling is wrong.

“Better terrible truths than kind lies.”

Me to my friends/classmates in any group project/literally anything else that they are making extremely ~mediocre~ : No. I hate this. This is not acceptable at all.

My mom/teacher: *insert admonishing tone* Rachel! Don’t be so insensitive!! You’re discouraging them.

Me: *deadpan* Better terrible truths than kind lies.

My Aries self is one with this quote. Period.

“Always hit where the mark isn’t looking”

“Who’s Mark?” asked Wylan.”

Me when I (very rarely, I assure you) zone out during my online classes and the teacher asks me a question. Different context, same energy.

Brick by brick, I will destroy you.

Lower the intensity please, but this is me to every fictional villain who hurts/tries to hurt my precious favourite characters. Grit teeth, clenched fists, totally in character.

“Would it kill him to smile every once in a while?” Jesper asked.
“Very possibly.”

Me when I am trying to keep a straight face in my online classes when some of the hilarious SoC memes I read a day back make a dramatic entry into my helpless mind. Seriously, very bad timing.

“Do not be afraid. Fear is how they control you.”

“They” being most teachers who take often take sadistic pleasure in describing how extremely difficult the examination paper is going to be. So, to all my fellow sufferers students – do not be afraid. You know why, right?

“You’re our chemist, Wylan,” said Nina hopefully. “What do you think?”
Wylan shrugged. “Maybe. Not all poisons have an antidote.”
Jesper snorted. “That’s why we call him Wylan Van Sunshine.”

I feel sorry for Wylan because I get this so much myself. Why is it that I come off as pessimistic when I am only trying to be practical? Like isn’t it a good thing to take all the ways something good go wrong into consideration? Just me? Umm okay, I’ll show myself out.

No Mourners. No Funerals.

This will be future me to myself when I finally muster enough courage to reread the Six Of Crows duology which I know will wreck me all over again.

Do you remember any quote-worthy moments of your life? Share them with me in the comments!